An important birthday is looming. One made famous by the Beatles. Will anyone still love me - when I'm 64. However I still feel around 35, and still like to look at a pretty "girl" - although the best ones are around 35 as well - just like me. What they think of me is another matter.

But I have had, and am having a good life. I can keep positive, cope with the ill-health that comes my way, and look forward to each visit of the grand-children. Will this blog keep going for another 20 years?  Will Dementia set in or death step in? Maybe - but as I approach this significant day (more important than 65 now that none of us retire), I am thankful for many blessings in my life, chief of which is Jenny.

I write these lines on retreat at St Cuthman’s near Horsham. Regular retreats have now become an essential part of my life. They are times of rest, times of refreshment, and times of envisaging afresh. A better perspective on life – especially on my life – always comes from these times. Two days alone, with three good meals a day, surrounded by beautiful countryside in the day and sitting next to log fires in the evening, always works its magic upon me. Sometimes I meet with other people, always I meet with myself; and in the background a loving Father God always encouraging and speaking new words of life and hope. Now back into the world better able to cope with the essential pressures and problems through which we grow.

I have reached my 64th birthday. This of course is a significant day for those of us brought up on the Beatle’s songs. Paul McCartney singing the famous lines “Will you still love me, will you still feed me, will you still need me – when I’m 64” meant that for the whole of my youth 64 was when final senility set in – no longer useful to anyone, becoming a burden on those you love. Will they still be there for me when I am old and useless?

Well I have to tell you that I still feel in my prime. Yes, the bones do ache, the breath gets short, and the energy wanes – but I am still ME - with all the desires, ambitions, and dreams of youth. I still have so much to achieve before I am consigned to the wheel-chair with a rug around my feet, and someone to push me where I don’t want to go. And of course it is now that the fears start to come to the front of your mind. What opportunities have I missed. What have I failed to do?  Where are the people who have been hurt by me?  Will anything I have done live on beyond my death?  Have I loved enough?  But take courage my heart. Yes, I have failed; yes, I have hurt many people; and yes I have let many opportunities slip by.  However I am human. I can admit my mistakes. I can ask for forgiveness. I can seek to make restitution and build a positive future. I can look forward with hope.I have drawn up a 15 year plan for my life. More years of fruitfulness in which I can influence, encourage, support and challenge others in my life. If God gives me the strength I will battle on with a song in my heart – the only change I will make to the words is – “Will you still need me – when I’m 84”.  It will be interesting to see my diary entry in 20 years time.

I must be getting older as the subject of death keeps coming up. Not so much death itself, because as a long standing committed Christian death holds no fear for me. Rather I am interested in what we leave behind us when we die. It seems that there are three main heirlooms we leave -

1  Relationships, especially with close family, who not only remember you but have also been influenced and changed themselves because of you. This sphere of influence can be small or large depending on how important you consider relationships to be.

2  Work related artifacts. I think especially here of books, articles, research, inventions etc. For myself this mainly means books and articles which describe Whole Person Medicine. I hope they will be useful and referred to for many years to come.

3  Un-described and unremembered influences. All of us have an effect on the society around us - sometimes for good and sometimes for evil. This effect is usually anonymous, but nevertheless can be very powerful. No-one knows what your part has been , but as a Christian I believe this will form an important part of a later "judgment". So how we live our lives is important. Have we been kind and considerate? Have we cared about the planetary resources? Have we sought to improve society? These and other questions are the hidden heirlooms we leave behind.

So what is the inheritance you leave your family, friends and society? Is the world a better place because you have lived? You had better decide the answers to these questions before you die, and not wait until afterwards, when it will be too late!

I have to sound off about the state of the NHS here in the UK where politicians seem to be hell bent on finally destroying what was once described as the envy of the world. The NHS was set up at a time when social welfare was considered to be essential to building a fair society which would reduce anti-social behavior, injustice and inequality. As a doctor I have devoted all of my professional life to making this service work effectively. Now to my horror most of the principles of the NHS are being dismantled - and this by a Labour government. Is this by design and so mistaken, or by default and therefore due to incompetence?

Whatever the reason it seems to me that the final nails in the coffin of the NHS are now being hammered in, and how do I know this?  Well at my time of life I have become a user of the NHS and so can see the view from the other side of the fence. As always most of the people in the service are hard working, competent and caring. And yet the system seems to be running down and becoming incompetent. What can we do - perhaps we just attend the funeral and steel ourselves to the realisation that private attention is the only type of health care which will work in the future. If only our taxes were reduced as a result, but of course the real loser will be our society where once more the poor and weak will receive an inferior service and the best will only be available to the rich and powerful.

I have been impressed lately by disabled friends who seem healthier that myself. This is entirely due to a positive attitude to life. One friend said she always talks about what she can do and what she has done each day. There are always many more things she can't do, but concentrating on these turns you into an invalid. So the recipe for a happy life is to look at the half of the glass which is full and be thankful. Concentrating on the empty part of your life leads to ill-health, disease, despair and death.  Choose life - be positive.

Now I have problems! It seems that there are a handful of people out there who actually read this blog. I had assumed that it wouldn't be read until I was dead. However as I intend living for a few decades yet I suppose I shall have to get used to the idea that a web based diary may actually be read by others. So I shall have to have something important to say.

Well I do - as do you. I am coming to realise that the common man (so called, really it should be the common person), does have many important things to say, and the sad thing is that we fail to speak up and make our voice known. So here is my message for today.

SMILE - I try to smile several times on the tube journey into work. I have to be careful that it is not mis-interpreted, however looking happy costs nothing and does lighten the atmosphere. SORRY - I also try to say sorry at least twice every day, because it makes me realise that I do hurt other people, and saying sorry also costs nothing and yet lifts the load. THANKS - this needs to be said 20 times a day.

So there you are - SST every day  to keep you healthy and make others a little happier.

I was shaking the hand of Princess Alexandra yesterday at the back of Christ Church in Spitalfields on the occasion of the 40th Anniversary of the founding of the Spitalfields Crypt Trust, a charity to help recovering alcoholics in east London. The Hanbury Project which I helped to start a dozen years ago has now amalgamated with the Spitalfields Trust and I was there at the end of a line of our "students" who were presenting their art work to the Princess. As I was chatting to her about the project I had one of those "life moments" that suddenly light up and form what some may call an "Ebenezer" - a sort of marker stone which shows the way we have come. This was the third great Ebenezer in my professional life, and I need to acknowledge them to give thanks for the fact that as an innovator I have now had several formal acknowledgments of my achievements "whilst still alive".

The first "memorial stone" was the 25th anniversary of the Hightown Surgery in Banbury which I started in the 1970's. I was invited back to see how the practice had grown and developed, and I was really proud of all our achievements in starting this practice from scratch, against opposition, and with no money or patients to begin with. It was a real struggle for the family, and the only time I needed to claim benefit as we received no income for the first year.

The second occasion was in Warsaw when three organisations I had helped start all came together in one evening. These were the ACC (Association of Christian Counsellors) the EMCPA (European Movement for Christian Psychology and Anthropology) and Music Missio in Poland. I can't go into details here, but imagine if you had helped these three organisations get started many years before, how you would feel to see all of them successfully growing and maturing.

It may seem like indulgence, but when you are an innovator you rarely get praise, usually have to fight battles just to survive, and then see others take the credit later. So I have been blessed to receive all this acknowledgment of achievements. I haven’t been offered an OBE yet - but that is not needed to satisfy me that I have done a good job.

People write blogs for many reasons. Some want to find fame and fortune, others to vent their opinions and whines. I am writing for history. In particular for my descendents who may wonder what their grand-father, or GGgrand-father was really like. I have been keeping a diary on and off for over 50 years, so this blog may go backwards as much as forwards. In fact time is all relative, and in this case the time is of my life.

Some very brief facts. Date of birth March 1941, in the middle of the war in the skies over Britain. Married to Jenny in October 1966, with 4 fabulous children and 6 grandchildren to date. My interests and life work may be found in various web sites -
www.drmikesheldon.com (Personal web site)
www.sheldongenealogy.com(Sheldon family history in the UK)
www.wphtrust.com (Whole Person HealthTrust site)
www.parishofpoplar.com (All Saints Church, Poplar, London)
www.emcpa.eu (European Movement for Christian Psychology and Anthropology)

One of the questions my own kids often ask is "What exactly do you do Dad?" This probably arises because I am no longer a bog standard GP working in the surgery down the road and therefore known to everyone. Instead I have passed into the realms of a "Portfolio Career" as a necessary step towards winding down (we don't retire these days do we?) as I get older. So amongst the several different posts I now hold I have just spent the last nine weeks sitting on a Fitness to Practice Panel at the GMC (General Medical Council). These panels are usually held in public, so anyone can come in just as they can in the courts. In fact it would be nice if more ordinary patients did come in to see just how seriously we take the whole process of providing a just and fair process following complaints about a doctor's behavior or performance.

The panel of six people is made up of three doctors and three lay members. We have a legal advisor to help us deal with legal matters, and then the case for the GMC is presented by a QC and a junior counsel, and the doctor is likewise defended by an experienced QC and a junior counsel. The rules followed are similar to those used in the law courts, and our judgments can be appealed to the High Court if we get anything wrong. So all in all we believe it is a just and fair way of dealing with doctors about whom the public are unhappy.

Admittedly the whole process can take a long time, but this is often necessary to ensure that a fair trial ensues. I have been impressed by the way in which these panels work and am proud to be involved in providing justice.

Last week we had a meeting of the EMCPA - the European Movement for Christian Psychology and Anthropology. That's a bit of a mouthful but describes a fellowship of Christians throughout Europe who are trying to understand, develop and promote a Christian approach to health care issues. The main challenge for Christians is to be true to our beliefs whilst at the same time respecting other's beliefs and helping them "where they are at". Another key concept is encouraging personal development and growth in what may be called the virtues, in old fashioned language. In fact these are the best ways of making sense of life and coping with the pain and suffering that comes our way. There is a page for EMCPA on my web site, so to read articles and news go to www.wphtrust.com and click on the EMCPA page. (In fact since I wrote this there is now a full EMCPA web site at www.emcpa.eu.)

We’ve just had a holiday in New York, and although there are many good things about the city I was annoyed and exasperated by the following -

1  The roads are dreadful. We always used to say that the roads in Hackney were bad, but New York is abysmal. Potholes, broken surfaces and gaps in the concrete all made driving a real pain as well as downright dangerous.

2  Car hire prices are through the roof. We booked through the internet, but by the time the firm had added extra charges and insurance it doubled the original price. It seemed excessive to pay nearly £400 for a week in their smallest and cheapest car. So before you book get the price of the extras and especially the added cost of insurance, and then consider hiring the car out of the city as it is cheaper.

3  The hotels also like to rip you off - although this is probably true of any big city. In the UK the overnight cost usually includes breakfast - but not in New York.

4  It was unfortunate that the day we arrived all of the public transport workers went on strike for the first time in 25 years, and as we were leaving they decided to go back to work.

Apart from these irritations it is interesting to see new places - but if this is the way all of our "civilized" cities are going I think I might go back to the country.